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  1. #1

    Unhappy Married but pregnant by someone else

    I am 21 and I was married when I turned 18. In 2004, my husband got locked up for 12 years and I sent him divorce papers. He signed them, but then 5 months into the process, he stopped it so we could reconcile our marriage. But, I do not wish to. Now, I am pregnant by someone else and he knows that. But, I am not with the father of the baby either.
    The father of the baby is a Marine and he is in Iraq until September of this year and has not helped at all with finaces for this baby. He claims that he will only send me $150 a month for 6 months after the baby is born and that is all. He says that I have no need for money now.
    I am confused because before he left he had a document notorized by Base Legal stating that he would help finacially with any expenses for the unborn child and me, the mother. But, again, I have yet to see anything because he refuses.
    I already choose the name for my baby and he said he wanted to rename the baby and have the baby have his last name. Just because he is the baby's father, does the baby have to have his last name? I understand that once paternity is established, he will go on the birth certificate, but I want the baby to have my last name.
    If I am on welfare, and then file for child support, does that mean that the baby wil have his last name? Plus, since he is military, what kind of custody will he get? He says that he will pay for full custody, but can he do that? Then, he said he would prove to the courts taht I am unfit so he can take the baby away from me.
    The father of the baby is 20 and active military and he able to bedeployed at any time. He doesn't even have a place to say when he gets back, how can he take care of the baby if in his care? If I breastfeed, will that have any affect on who the baby stays in primary care?
    Please help me.

  2. #2
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
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    Behind a Desk
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    98,846

    Default Re: Married but pregnant by someone else

    Custody and support laws vary by state. You did not disclose your state.

    Are you going to get divorced at this time?

  3. #3

    Default Re: Married but pregnant by someone else

    I live in California. I am going to refile next month afte I get all the info I need about the divorce papers.

  4. #4
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Location
    Behind a Desk
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    98,846

    Default Re: Married but pregnant by someone else

    Well then, divorce your husband and file a paternity action against the father. (You shouldn't have to wait until after the divorce - you should be able to start a paternity action now.) Once paternity is established court will assess child support against him in accord with the state child support guidelines, which will be a good bit higher than what he is offering. The baby does not have to have his last name.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Married but pregnant by someone else

    The divorce won't be finalized before the baby is born. What do I do about that? Even when the father is named on the b.c. the baby can have my last name and not his? He wants his and says that if he establishes paternity, it will automatically be his. But, I keep reading that you have to have both parents consent to change anything on the b.c. like the name. Is that true what he says or me?

  6. #6
    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Posts
    1

    Default Re: Married but pregnant by someone else

    Since he is in the military and you technically are/were still married at the time of your conseption he can face adultry charges from the military. If you have a signed legal document from him stating that he will take care of you and send money and so forth and he isnt complying then you should get some legal counsel and go to his rear detachment officer and make a complaint. The military can and will take it strait from his check and send it to you. It would show up on his LES (Leave and Earnings Statement) as an allotment.

    The baby can have your last name (married or maiden) and just because parernity is established doesnt require anyone to make changes. It doesnt have to be changed to his name unless you both put in for it to be changed.

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