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  1. #1
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    Jan 2011
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    Default Can Visitation Be Stopped

    My question involves a child custody case from the State of: New York

    I have a custody/visitation case going on. My children have come home with bed bug bite marks, diaper rashes, dirty and smelly, swollen eye from the girlfriends 1 year old, ring worm and come home telling me of the girlfriend hitting on my 2 year old. I have violated the order by NOT complying with the visits because of those reasons and because of a domestic dispute that occurred between him and his girlfriend in front of the children. I presented doctors notes, pictures, recordings and the referee isn't hearing my side. She granted him extended visitation for 3 weeks and out of those 3 weeks he kept 5 nights of the visits. Any other time the children were with his 18 year old sister or with me. What do I do to get the referee to hear me out and get visits stopped or modified?

  2. #2
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    Default Re: Can Visitation Be Stopped

    You certainly don't have enough to STOP visitation.

    Kids get diaper rash. They get dirty. They end up getting bruises from 1 year olds (seriously, a year old baby is NOT going to be maliciously beating on your kids - really).

    Do you WANT to end up losing custody to Dad?

    Tread very carefully, Mom. You cannot withhold visitation unless the kids are in IMMINENT danger.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  3. #3
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    Jan 2011
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    Default Re: Can Visitation Be Stopped

    So the girlfriend hitting on my child and him and his girlfriend fighting in front of my children mean nothing? The referee wouldn't even modify the order. So I have to continue to deal with my children coming home sick and bruises from them not supervising the children?

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Can Visitation Be Stopped

    If the referee has decided it's a non-issue...then it's a non-issue. I did miss the part about the girlfriend "hitting on" the baby - but frankly, if Dad is allowing her to discipline the child, and CPS don't think it's an issue...then again, it's a non-issue.


    How do you know the kids aren't supervised? Kids play. They fight. They get bruised. It does not necessarily indicate that there's any wrongdoing.
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

  5. #5

    Default Re: Can Visitation Be Stopped

    Quote Quoting NewYork420
    View Post
    So the girlfriend hitting on my child
    Injuries? Police reports? Documentation?


    and him and his girlfriend fighting in front of my children
    Physical fights? Any evidence? Police reports? Arrests? How old are the children who are making these reports? Old enough to be taught to call 911 when such incidents occur?

    mean nothing?
    It's not that they mean nothing, it's that much of this is pretty ordinary, every day stuff. Nowhere near a level where a court is going to restrict the chosen father's access to his children.


    So I have to continue to deal with my children coming home sick
    Have you reported the bed bug infestation to child protective services? Beyond that, what did their pediatrician say about the diaper rash? Kids get it. It's part of life. Unless you've got a medical professional ready to attest that it's beyond any level of normal diaper rash or requires medical care that would indicate prolonged neglect (in which case the physician themselves would have been mandated to make a report of their own, directly to child services), it's not likely to be issue enough for the court to act upon it.

    and bruises from them not supervising the children?
    Unless the children are bound on opposite sides of the room, and are allowed to interact in any way, even the BEST supervision doesn't prevent one year olds from flailing about and wacking anyone close enough to get wacked. You're simply not going to be able to build a case on a one year old versus a two year old. I've seen instances with 4 adults supervising 3 children where hitting can still occur. (And of course you realize that dad is going to say that the two year old wouldn't leave the one year old alone, right?)

    While dad apparantly isn't going to win any awards, he IS dad, and the courts typically aren't going to impede visitation without there being some issue BEYOND the normal everyday stuff you've described - none of which rises to the level of imminent danger (unless of course there is documentation of physical domestic violence occurring in front of the children).

    On the other hand, judges have about ZERO sense of humour for those who choose to violate the court's orders - even with what they think are good reasons. (And if the referee didn't get their panties in a wad over the issues, you can absolutely bet that the judge won't.)

    I can appreciate how frustrating this is for you, but this is the guy that was chosen to be dad, and it's likely that the court will continue to order his access to the children unless there is some SUBSTANTIAL reason for the court to step in and intervene - and the realistic truth is that other than the possible issue of DV, these reasons aren't substantial to the level where custody is going to be taken or changed to supervised. (Remember, from the court's point of view, parents have Constitutionally protected rights to their children, and Constitutional rights are DIFFICULT to overcome, on purpose.)
    Catherine NeSmith
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  6. #6
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    Default Re: Can Visitation Be Stopped

    "Physical fights? Any evidence? Police reports? Arrests? How old are the children who are making these reports? Old enough to be taught to call 911 when such incidents occur?"

    Of course the girlfriend didn't report anything to the police but my son tells what happened from start to finish. I informed CPS and they spoke with my son and daughter who explained the fight that occurred and how he blackened her eye. The children are 4 and 2



    "Have you reported the bed bug infestation to child protective services?"

    I have also reported this to CPS and to the courts. My son has had ring worm on his legs and in his HEAD, bed bug bites on his arms, legs, and face. CPS doesn't like to get involved in visitation cases unless the referee orders them to so I feel like I'm wasting my time. And the courts continuously orders me to contact CPS.



    "On the other hand, judges have about ZERO sense of humour for those who choose to violate the court's orders - even with what they think are good reasons. (And if the referee didn't get their panties in a wad over the issues, you can absolutely bet that the judge won't.) "

    When I complied with the order until the next court date and spoke out about it then I was told by the referee it couldn't have been that serious because I still complied with the visits and they would continue. So when I stop the visits and explain why, that also became an issue.

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Can Visitation Be Stopped

    So CPS have been involved and have found no reason to intervene?

    Then you have even LESS reason to withhold visitation.

    Seriously Mom - you're giving Dad an awful lot of ammunition that he can perhaps one day use against you to change custody...is that what you want?

    (Incidentally, CPS will get involved period - I'm not sure why you think they're reluctant to get involved with visitation issues. It makes no sense)
    An intelligent hell would be better than a stupid paradise - Victor Hugo

    Do not microwave grapes

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