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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    3

    Default Preparing for a TRO Hearing

    My question involves restraining orders in the State of: NJ

    Sorry for the long story but I think it all needs to be said in order to answer my legal questions.

    Me 41 yo her 35 yo We live an hour and a half from each other, no children.

    My ex girlfriend and I have been talking about getting back together since February 2010, we broke up in January 2010. I felt like she was stringing me along so July 25 I told her either take me or leave me, so she left. My mindset was "Well that's over time to move on" and as painful as these things are, I had to and DID.

    We had no communication for four weeks. Out of the blue she sent me a text, we talked, she said "I think I made a mistake " blah blah blah and before you knew it we were trying to work things out. She kept canceling plans to do things with other guys. Stringing me along again. Two weeks ago I sent her an email stating I was tired of it all and if she had anything good to say, say it now because after that weekend she would be out of my life.

    I was in the process of deleting all her emails to and from me, text messages, contact information, even her address from my GPS. I found a bookmark she left on my browser and before I clicked on it I opened in and read some things she wrote about some guy she was seeing in July. I also seen some provocative pictures she had posted on that site. This really struck a nerve in me, trying to get back together with me but she's actually trying to seriously date someone else, I popped.....

    I sent her an email saying this, that and the other thing. I also included in my haste "I hope you get AIDS and die a slow miserable death." I'm sure we sent some text message back and fourth but I really don't know what they said because I deleted everything soon after. She pushed my button so hard I called her a few times asking her to have the big fight to end all fights and get it over with cause I was DONE. One message I left, I must have called her a "tramp and a wh*re."

    I never threatened her, PERIOD, in the past or in this last dueling.

    Sunday Nov 7th 11:45 PM I was served by my local police a temporary restraining order (TRO) she got on me. I read online that TRO's are almost always granted and pretty easily, so I understand this.

    Court date is set for Monday Nov 8th 8:30 am "For real?" So I had to call the court in the am to have that rescheduled, new date was set to Monday Nov 15th.

    On of the court workers called me the next day and told me the date was rescheduled for January 10th 2011 "FOR REAL? JANUARY? OMG"

    So I am now in the process of talking to everyone I can get on the phone that I am refereed to at this court place about the length of this postponement. Why? Because I want this over. If I'm such a threat why has this be postponed for two months.

    I even took the time to ask their mediator if I can have this case mediated so it does not even have to go to court. I'm sure a judge would not award her a Permanent Retraining Order. Name calling in an email? "For Real?"

    I spoke to someone at North East New Jersey Legal Services about this and she advised me that this can be a serious issue and I should seek legal advise and wanted to sell me a list of lawyers for $25.00 because NENJLS does not handle cases like this.

    So on to my questions.

    #1 Am I wasting my time and effort here? Should I be taking this seriously?
    Just wait until January and see if she drops it, or the judge denies it?

    #2 Should I file some kind of motion against her?
    I think she is harassing me by filing for the TRO and dragging it out to January.
    I think she is defaming my character by stating publicly that I am a harassing
    person, a potential criminal etc.

    #3 Should I file for a TRO against her? I mean after all if she is crazy enough to file
    one for me calling her names, who know what else she might do given the below
    information.

    She told me she was in rehab for drug addiction in the past. She told me she was institutionalized twice, but she never told me the reasons. She told me she indeed killed herself in the past, she was DOA at the hospital but they revived her. She told me she has a gun in her bedroom closet, her father is also into guns but lives out of state. She has samurai swords hanging up in her bedroom. She keeps two folding knife under her pillow.

    Should I file for a TRO against her? I mean after all if she is crazy enough to file one for me calling her names, who know what else she might do given the above information.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Tro ----- Omg

    #1 Am I wasting my time and effort here? Should I be taking this seriously?
    You should always take seriously anything that can restrict your rights (not only as far as staying away from HER, but also OTHER things that may be impacted, like the ability to legally possess a firearm, showing up on a background check, etc..).

    Just wait until January and see if she drops it, or the judge denies it?
    Judges in these things are like a box of chocolates - you never know what you're gonna get. If she can present communications which the judge considers harassing, the judge may very well issue the order in the interest of "better safe than sorry"- while another judge might totally dismiss it if there were not explicit threats to cause damage or injury. Most are somewhere in between. If she drop it or doesn't show, the temp order disolves, you walk away, and it's over.


    #2 Should I file some kind of motion against her?
    Like what?

    I think she is harassing me by filing for the TRO and dragging it out to January.
    She has a right to file her motion. If this is the only one she's filed, it's not harassment. SHE doesn't get to set the court's docket or calendar. If the hearing was moved, the COURT moved it. The court sets the date and tells both sides when to be there.

    I think she is defaming my character by stating publicly that I am a harassing person, a potential criminal etc.
    That's why you have a court hearing. Either the court will vindicate you or it won't. She's allowed to have and express the opinion that you're a harassing person. It's not (yet) a criminal matter, it's a CIVIL restraining order hearing. If you've got a mountain of money and an army of attorneys, a couple of years for a case to work its way through the courts, and she's got a ton of money that's worth suing FOR, go ahead and retain an attorney. If you don't meet ALL of those criteria, you are barking up a tree that leads nowhere.


    #3 Should I file for a TRO against her? I mean after all if she is crazy enough to file one for me calling her names, who know what else she might do given the below information.
    You realize how that'll look to the court, right? If you had reason to file a TRO, you would have. Only doing it now after she's filed one will accomplish what? What has changed with her filing a TRO request that suddenly makes you fearful?


    She told me she was in rehab for drug addiction in the past.
    You don't get a TRO for that.

    She told me she was institutionalized twice, but she never told me the reasons.
    You don't get a TRO for that.


    She told me she indeed killed herself in the past, she was DOA at the hospital but they revived her.
    You don't get a TRO for that.

    She told me she has a gun in her bedroom closet, her father is also into guns but lives out of state. She has samurai swords hanging up in her bedroom. She keeps two folding knife under her pillow.
    I have many of those things too. Doesn't mean you get a TRO. Do you have evidence that she's ever THREATENED YOU with any of those items? Did you ever notify police of those threats (threats with deadly weapons get taken seriously - but the court simply isn't going to belive that you were ever threatened with those weapons and never filed a report and are only NOW going to make an issue about it in regard to her TRO).

    Should I file for a TRO against her? I mean after all if she is crazy enough to file one for me calling her names, who know what else she might do given the above information.
    TROs are based on a pattern of behavior. Sounds like most of her injurious behavior was towards herself. If you've got evidence that she presents a danger to you, THEN it's time to be bringing a motion of your own. Of course you can also attempt to bring up these issues at your hearing in January.
    Catherine NeSmith
    Executive Director
    AARDVARC.org, Inc.
    http://www.aardvarc.org

    Fave Big Bang Theory site: Sheldon Cooper Fans

  3. #3
    Join Date
    Nov 2010
    Posts
    3

    Default Re: Preparing for a TRO Hearing

    I've been reading up on this and am now thinking I should possible get legal representation although I really can't afford this.

    Does any one know what something like this cost me to have a lawyer involved?

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