How to Modify Temporary Consent Order to Include Visitation or Finalize Divorce

[drthyrd]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: GA

My sometime-to-be-ex husband was incarcerated for DV against me. He spent 5 months in jail, then 2 months receiving mental health treatment in patient. While in patient he mentioned some murder suicide fantasies, so I relcoated for my own safety. There were never any threats against the kids, nor physical violence toward them. Kids, currently six and four, were very bonded with him. To me, he gave the impression of being a good dad up until his arrest. He played with the kids, was involved in their activities, and affectionate. He has not seen the kids in 7 months. Kids ask for dad daily.

We have a temporary divorce decree and I have restraining order which currently includes the kids. After his release from mental health treatment, I had my attorney draw up papers to request modification of temp divorce decree and RO to provide supervised visitation for him. My attorney has left message for him to sign the papers and informed him if he signed, she would be able to get them in front of judge for signature. It has only been a week and a half, but he has not met with her to sign. He returned her call once and left a message, but no other effort. I am so disappointed he isn't rushing to try to see the kids.

If he doesn't sign, should I just move toward finalizing the divorce with no visitation? What is the potential for it to backfire against me if I added vague visitation language in a final decree that "defendent has the right to reasonable supervised visitation at XXX center, and defendent must contact XXX center to excercise this right."

As an aside, my ex is going pro-se, mediation requirement was already waived by the judge, and my attorney seems to think I can get whatever I ask for. I don't know what to do.

[LawResearcherMissy]

I don't know what to do.

You do what your attorney suggests that you do. You're paying her for her professional opinion, and she's going to have a far better grasp of the scope of your case than anonymous strangers on an internet message board. She has access to the full facts of your case.

Give her a call and ask for suggestions. Then pay attention to them.

[drthyrd]

You do what your attorney suggests that you do.
Give her a call and ask for suggestions. Then pay attention to them.

I hate that answer. She has thought since the murder fantasies, that I shouldn't offer any visitation, and I offered it against her advice. I just want the kids to have access to their dad...

Dang it.

[aardvarc]

Of course the fact that a person has murder fantasies in and of itself is only a small part of the issue. LOTS of people may HAVE them, but very few actually MENTION them, even under in patient mental health treatment. A LARGER part of the issue is that they came out in a context of in-patient mental health treatment (self admit, or involuntary?) and which are now part of his record which may be discoverable by the court in regards to how safe it may be to put the children around him. Even with ZERO mention of violence or fantasies thereof regarding the children, the fact is that a HUGE portion of children murdered by parents in the context of divorce/custody matters, are not killed due to ill will, malice, or fantasies of violence toward the children, but rather a willingness to do anything to anyone, including their own children, that they percieve as hurting their true target, the other parent (frequently occurring in the context of killing the children, and then themselves). Don't second guess yourself. You already thought it best to remove yourself from proximity with him due to fear of violence. That fear served the purpose of making you act in a manner to preserve your own life (ala Gavin deBecker's "The Gift of Fear" - a decent read if you get the chance). Your children might like trains too, but you wouldn't knowingly put them on the tracks when the train is coming just so they can have the benefit of a better view. In otherwords, sometimes having access ISN'T the best thing - even when the children request it. Your job, and the job of the courts, is to put the SAFETY of, and not WISHES of, the children first. They may not understand right now why limited, supervised, or non-existant visitation IS in their best interests - but the primary concern needs to be for them to grow up, at which point that understanding can evolve.

[drthyrd]

(self admit, or involuntary?)

Self admit, sort of. There was some question about his mental stability going in to jail, and I had requested in a victim impact that he receive mental health treatment, so it was stated his time served could be reduced by going in-patient. The psychiatrists/counselors notified me of the fantasies, per some law (Federal - I think) and indicated they asked him when he talked about killing me, "what about the kids, what will happen to them if you killed their mommy, to which he allegedly replied "who cares, I'll be dead.."

OK. I guess I should pay attention to that. I like to imagine thought that he was cured in the mental health facility.

thank you for the reply.