What Would Happen If I Don't Send The Kids Home

[thanksforyouradvice]

My question involves a child custody case from the State of: Colorado

I am going to revisit our custody agreement but in the meantime my children do not want to go home. My daughter says she will not get on the plane.

I am going to take them to the airport and I have told her that legally, she has to go back. What will happen if she doesn't?

[Dogmatique]

You can be held in contempt of court.

What are your reasons for wanting to perhaps change the custody agreement?

What do your current orders say?

[thanksforyouradvice]

Sorry, I was playing with the kids.

Ex keeps moving and is mentally abusive to the kids. They are begging me not to send them back. They just say it is horrible and I wouldn't understand but mostly mental and emotional abuse, hard to prove but I have to try.

[Dogmatique]

Honestly, you've got to abide by your current orders.

When you say "keeps moving", what do you mean?

How many times? Over what period of time? Have the kids had to change schools? How often?

How far apart are the moves in terms of distance?

[thanksforyouradvice]

I just recently moved and I haven't unpacked a lot of boxes, the kids got here and we stay busy so I don't have them handy.

Mother is the custodial parent she has the school year, I have summers and alternating Christmas and Spring Breaks and receiving parent provides transportation.

The last thing my daughter told me before bedtime was that she wasn't going back. I didn't reply.

They've been here for 6 weeks and there isn't a day that goes by that they don't say they that they aren't going back, especially every evening after they talk to their mother.

I'm torn, I didn't want to go back to court because I really can't afford it, I just asked my parents to loan me the money.

I'd love to have them with me for the school year, it would be no problem at all. They could be in activities and have friends outside of school hours, things that they aren't allowed at their mother's home. But it isn't like it would be a slam dunk, I could just be wasting time and money and the kids will still be disappointed and when she's mad she just takes it out on the kids.

The only legal reasons I have for the change are that she constantly moves and they have to change school districts and that the children share a bedroom and they are a boy, 12 and girl 14. There are a lot of things that are just what the children tell me and there is no proof. If I could get her work records I could prove that she is rarely with the kids, she works 4 to midnight 3 days a week and weekends and often works more.

They have told their mother without my knowledge that they aren't going back and she's blazing mad. My daughter asked her to be reasonable and just agree, I swear she's 14 going on 45.


Not long after the first custody case I got a letter from her attorney stating that she no longer represents my ex but ex told the children that she still has her and that she doesn't have to pay her anything so I better not take this to court. Who knows, I don't.

I try not to involve them in any of this but it is darned near impossible (definitely how I feel) with their mother calling everyday and stirring them up. One day it is threats and the next promises, the promises really them angry because she makes so many and keeps so few.

Sorry, its late and I'm frustrated.

[thanksforyouradvice]

Sorry, I didn't really answer your question. Mother has moved 4 times in 3 1/2 years and they have changed school districts 4 times also.

[Dogmatique]

OK.

So, your kids are probably at an age where their wishes may be taken into consideration but even then you'll still need to show a significant - recent - change in their circumstances. In all honesty I cannot see anything in your post which would justify modifying custody at this point; if changing schools wasn't an issue during the past 3/4 years it's not an issue now. Sharing a room isn't illegal either, even at their ages.

Icky? I think so on one level, but then again my brother had to share a room with all three of us girls until he was 15! But not illegal.

I would usually be wary of involving the kids in any discussion about custody, but this may be one of the few times where you need to sit them down and explain that if you don't obey the court order, you can end up in severe trouble.

Remind them that it's not their decision.

One thing you may want to think about is keeping tabs on their grades; if their grades suffer and you can convince the court that it's because of moving schools so often you would have a greater chance.

[thanksforyouradvice]

Sorry, I met my parents this weekend.

On grades, they both get good grades, it is very important to them and they love to read and they love school work, they always have. So unless they really do fall completely apart I don't expect that to happen.

In the meantime, the whole scenario is changed, I was going to take them to the airport but now ex has arranged for her father to come up here and pick up the kids and keep them for a week and take them to an airport 14 hrs away from here.

They are both going to a new school and she is going to keep them out for the first week.

Seriously, this is NOT me egging this on. Now my daughter has a plan of taking her brother sneaking away and hiding somewhere when it is time to board the plane.

I fought to keep her from moving, I just lost in the original custody case and since she has been gone I have no control, she moves and makes the kids keep it quiet until they are settled in the new school and it would do more harm than good to pull them out and send them to the last school.

They are afraid of her, not physically but they know how she can torture and punish them mentally. It kills my daughter when her mother pretends that she doesn't exist, she won't answer her if she speaks and she actually pretends that she can't see her while showering love and affection on my son.

How do I prove that in court?

I have talked to them all summer, I have told them there is little chance of me prevailing, I've told them that they will have to go home and then they will be in school and a judge probably wouldn't order them to leave, especially when I'm worried about them changing schools constantly. It is a Catch 22.

I can't even get them counselling, their mother has that power and she doesn't want them in it and she has made them frightened of it.

There is just so much more but I couldn't prove anything but the moving, the schools and the 2 bedroom apartments in court. If you could talk to my kids, after you finished being outraged and hurt for them you would understand.

and then they will be in school and a judge probably wouldn't order them to leave, especially when I'm worried about them changing schools constantly. It is a Catch 22.

I didn't actually say this part to the kids.