Can My Husband Adopt My Son

[motherwithconcerns]

My husband of almost 5 years wants to adopt our son. He has been wanting to for a long time we just never had the money. My ex husband said many times before that he would sign whatever papers needed and that my husband could adopt him. My ex husband has had NOTHING to do with the boy since the day he was born. And my husband has been there since our son was 10 months old. "The BOy" knows only my husband as his daddy.

Complicated Part!! My ex husband has visitation with my two oldest boys which are his. I took him to court for a better schedule so the kids could play sports and it turned from a visitation hearing to a primary custody hearing. My ex husband has told the judge that he never knew the boy was his and that, that is why he never had anything to do with him. I have PROOF to let the judge know he's lied but our hearing isn't until 2011... So my exhusband knew all along, he's never been there for the child, I've never asked anything of him for the child. He's had NO PART what so ever in his life....

Does my husband have a good chance of adopting our son? Or is it up to what the court wants and allows?

[NdK1009]

I'm confused. If your husband wants to adopt and your ex said he would sign the paperwork for an adoption, then why did you move for a visitation modification and not go straight for the adoption?

[mamabear2102003]

If I'm reading the OP right, the visitation modification was for the elder two boys, and somehow the younger child got brought into it.

So, did 'dad' ask for visitation of the younger child as well as the older? They have postponed a hearing until 2011? A few more details would be helpful.

[motherwithconcerns]

Because the boy had nothing to do with it at the time the visitation was for the two oldest only!! The judge found out that the boy belonged to my ex and wanted to know why he had no relationship with him. He told me he would sign after everything with the two oldest boys was taken care of. Then we would do the adoption with the boy. but it made him look like crap when the boys name came up and the judge wanted to know what the reason was for not having or asking visitation with the boy.

No he did not ask for visitation with the younger child only the two oldest, but the judge asked him if he wanted to turn it into a primary custody hearing and my ex and his lawyer said yes, and so now i have to go back to court in feb of 2011 and fight for all three of my boys! And pray that he don't end up with them

We are going for adoption now no matter what!! I was just wondering what my chances are going to be!! Thank you for your responses, it's greatly appericated

Can my ex take my boys from me?? I'm a good mother never gotten in trouble for anything. I've always taken care of my kids. I don't leave them with any. They are always with me. My kids are my everything!! I love them with all my heart and would fight for them until the day i died!!

[mamabear2102003]

Ok, first, might help to refer to your child as 'my son' or 'baby boy' rather than 'the boy'. Sorry, thats just a pet peeve of mine.

Second, unless ex can show a significant change in circumstance in regards to the children's living arrangements, custody isn't likely to change. If 'dad' is willing to sign the papers, ask him to proceed with them now, although since you said that he would sign the papers after teh situation is taken care of with the oldest boys, it really sounds like he's trying to hold you hostage to that decision (he gets what he wants, he'll give you what you want).

Is there a way that you and 'dad' can come to an agreement, outside of the court, in regards to the children? Does dad live close enough that he could accomodate the sports schedules? Perhaps the young 'uns may have to forego some of the activities they would like to be involved in so that dad has more time? Since the older boys seem to have an established relationship with dad, it may be well worth your time to work WITH him. Is dad consulted about the activities that the children want to be involved in? Is his input given any credence? I've seen a lot of situations where simply consulting with the other parent, and taking their opinion into consideration, goes a loooooong way to a better relationship.

[MGBI]

Why would you have a pet peeve at someone calling their child "the boy" that seems arrogant and ridiculous. I call my daughter "the kid" all the time as a term of affection. And it is important not to bring real identies into these things, so her choosing to call him "the boy" is a way of not saying his name. You are one increadibly full of herself person

[motherwithconcerns]

I've confused everyone sorry!!

He will not sign the papers at all now! The thing is we went to court for the two oldest. I took him so that the boys could play sports. It was a change of modifacation. Well he wanted more visitation with the boys and would not agree out of court unless i gave him three weekends a month and every other week in the summer. I wouldn't agree to that he works, I don't. I'm a stay at home mom. The court date was set, we went to court for the two oldest boys only, until the third childs name was brought up! It was brought up because i was asked the names of my children and thier ages!! I have four all together. I told them and they asked who brandons biological father was so i told them. Well when my ex got up on the stand and the judge asked why he had nothing to do with the youngest boy, he flat out lied and said he didn't know that the youngest belonged to him. (even though i took him altrasound pic to his work, and told him we were having a boy and he said i knew that, it's the only thing i can have, because we already had two boys, and he went to the docs with me once, and after i had the little one he asked what do u want me to do and i said just leave him alone, he agreed, but i have written proof also, so it don't matter what he lies about) So the modifaction turned into a primary custody hearing and we don't go back until 2011. He's told the two oldest that he's gettin a bigger vehicle because they will have the little one now. The little one is 5 will be 6 next month and by the time we go back to court he'll be 6 1/2 almost 7 and the only person he knows as daddy is his daddy. And it's always been the little tike and his little sister, so how can a court seperate a brother and sister that's always had one another when there two oldest brothers leave for visitation? My ex was never there never done one darn thing for that boy and never wanted too!! He complains about 500 a month for two kids for child support and thats one of the reasons he was trying to get all the over nights he coould, how do i know?? My kids come home yelling at me asking me why im taking all there dads money and that its not mine to take its thiers and my ex told them that it should be put in a bank account for them. So like i said he's never had anything to do with the littlest boy and really didn't want anything to do with the two oldest until he got married his wife can't have kids of her own!! So now they are trying to take mine!! Thier saying i abuse my kids and this and that!

I guess I'll just have to find out what'll happen when court rolls back around!!

[NdK1009]

I've confused everyone sorry!!

The little one is 5 will be 6 next month and by the time we go back to court he'll be 6 1/2 almost 7 and the only person he knows as daddy is his daddy.
I guess I'll just have to find out what'll happen when court rolls back around!!

My guess is you are referring to your current husband. Seriously, if you want to keep custody of all three boys you need to spend the next year explaining the difference between real dad and stepdad to your five year old. Your husband is NOT his dad (maybe a father figure) but if you continue to allow your little one to call his stepfather "daddy" then the courts may see you as interfering with the chidlrens' relationship with their father. And all indications are that the courts are fed up with this subversive behavior. See this.

Also, if you want to retain custody, you need to show the courts that you not only are not preventing the children from having a relationship with their father, but you are doing everything to support and foster a good relationship. In other words, you need to, at every possible opportunity, offer (and allow) dad to see all three children. You need to go above and beyond your current visitation order. If Dad wants to see the kids in the summer, what is the harm? Maybe you can be the babysitter while he's working.

You have a year to show that you can cooperate and co-parent with dad. Please don't waste it.

Just my humble opinion.

[mamabear2102003]

You know, it might not be as bad as you think. There seems to be a lot of contradictions in your ex's story, and I'm sure that the judge didn't take kindly to the fact that he had a child that he has neither seen nor supported in all these years. (BTW, did ex ask to establish visitation or volunteer to pay cs on young one now that he 'knows'??)

Have you contacted an atty in regards to the adoption? If not, there are a lot of them out that that offer low/no cost first consults, and s/he may be able to put this in better perspective as to your options. Good Luck to your entire family.

My guess is you are referring to your current husband. Seriously, if you want to keep custody of all three boys you need to spend the next year explaining the difference between real dad and stepdad to your five year old. Your husband is NOT his dad (maybe a father figure) but if you continue to allow your little one to call his stepfather "daddy" then the courts may see you as interfering with the chidlrens' relationship with their father. And all indications are that the courts are fed up with this subversive behavior. See this.

Also, if you want to retain custody, you need to show the courts that you not only are not preventing the children from having a relationship with their father, but you are doing everything to support and foster a good relationship. In other words, you need to, at every possible opportunity, offer (and allow) dad to see all three children. You need to go above and beyond your current visitation order. If Dad wants to see the kids in the summer, what is the harm? Maybe you can be the babysitter while he's working.

You have a year to show that you can cooperate and co-parent with dad. Please don't waste it.

Just my humble opinion.

You make some very valid points Ndk.


Unfortunately at this point, the youngest doesn't even know this man, and from what I'm understanding, 'dad' wanted it this way. I think that little one is going to need some transition time (such as meeting this man while at home or in a safe place with his mom). It would be interesting to know if 'dad' even asked for visitation of the youngest child or if the motion was modified by the court to include the youngest after verifying that his parentage was the same. I agree with you that going above and beyond what is ordered (which I've always been told was a MINIMUM of what you should be doing) is the best thing to do for the older children, I just think that she may have to take a different tact with the younger.

There are so many things in this that don't make sense. Dad claims that he didn't know that the youngest was his, yet he agreed to sign the adoption papers at one point. I agree that the courts are now cracking down on malicious interference, but I don't see that in what has been written thus far. Sounds like if anyone is undermining the other, it's been on dad's part (and yes, I do realize that we are only getting one side of the story). Regardless, at this point, this is going to be difficult for the children no matter what happens. Mom REALLY needs to talk to an atty to help her navigate this situation.

[motherwithconcerns]

HE HAS ALWAYS KNOWN THAT THE LITTLE MAN WAS HIS HE HAS ALWAYS KNOWN that's why he told my husband that he would sign whatever papers for my husband to adopt him!! But now that a judge knows he's changing his story. He LIED when he said he didn't know plan out LIED!! He's never offered anything and never will !!

I have an attorney! Me and the ex don't speak anymore because everything that comes out of his mouth is a LIE!! So I go through my lawyer!! That's why we are going back to court in 2011