Terminating a Father's Rights in New York

[Pinky1214]

My question involves adoption law for the State of: New York

Okay so please bare with me, I'm a little confused and might ramble a bit. I am a current resident of New York state along with my two year old son. His biological father, my soon to be ex husband with any hope as we have been battling this for nearly a year and a half now, lives in Texas. The question I am initially asking is under what circumstances can I terminate his rights to our son without his consent? His father has been present MAYBE 3 months out of his entire life. But claims he is worlds greatest father. We all stayed in Virginia up until august of 2009 so that he could see our son. However when ever he would "see" him, he would pass him off to someone else to care for while he went and did his own thing. He has partied with my son in the room. I mean alcohol and drugs. he has left myself with no money to buy our son formula so that he could purchase cigarettes. As an infant he has left my son sleeping in the house while he drove up the road to get food. And last year in December he was only suppose to take our son to Texas for 3 weeks, I didn't see my son for nearly 3 months!! He finally brought him back to me. Before that I had to fight him to call our son once every two weeks, now he calls every day which I feel is now unnecessary consider my son hardly knows who he is and I believe it is all an act considering we are in our custody battle now and he wants to seem like worlds greatest dad. When he left in December my son was fully potty trained, sleeping in his own bed and well mannered, no problems at all sleeping through the night and once he came back, he was back in diapers, refused to sleep alone, constant night terrors and a little monster as far as his temper. I expected the temper with the terrible twos thing. but everything else was unexpected. I was able to get him back into his own bed but he still has frequent night terrors and is terrified of the potty. I have never seen my ex physically abuse him. I have received no money since January. And my son has been calling my fiancée daddy since he was 10 months old. my Fiancée wants to adopt him legally. And I want that too because even if he and I end in divorce I believe he will still be an amazing father to my son and a good role model for him. Do I have any grounds to work with, and is their any chance at all My fiancee can adopt him without the ex's consent and we can be rid of him.

[Dogmatique]

Are you serious? You are allowing your son to call your fiance Daddy? When your son HAS a Daddy already? TO WHOM YOU ARE STILL MARRIED?

I'm going to be really kind. Seriously - heed my words because frankly if you were to say that in front of a judge in court, you'd be ripped several different new orifices and could even end up losing custody.

You have absolutely NO chance of terminating Dad's rights without his consent.

You need to understand that a 2 year old is going to have tantrums, refuse to sleep alone, go back and forth with potty training...he's TWO! That's what they do at that age.

[Pinky1214]

Okay first of all. If you read what I wrote, yes I do understand he is two. I expected some of those things. Yes I do allow my son to call my fiancee daddy because he is the only daddy he has ever known, his real father has NEVER put the effort to be in his life even when I stayed in the same area to let him see him. He rather go party and hang with friends then take his child to the park for an hour. Kidnapping your son from his mother for three months does not mean that your putting forth an effort to see him. The ONLY reason we are still married is because he is too lazy to sign the papers. Like I said we have been at this divorce for nearly a year and a half and seperated since I was 2 months pregnant. I think Im intitled to move on with my life. I am only trying to consider what is in my sons best interest and I dont believe his biological father is whats best. He has no concern for our sons well being when he is driving drunk with him sleeping in the back seat or sitting there forking out the last of his money in front of our crying hungry son to get some weed. Call me crazy but that doesnt seem like a good dad to me. So I let my son call a man who tucks him in every night, takes him to the park, pays for the food in his stomach, the roof over his head, the diapers on his butt and the clothes and shoes he is wearing and the toys he plays with, daddy. I dont see a problem with that when he is exactly that.

[EA1970]

You chose to make a baby with this man and you're going to be stuck with him for a very long time because of it. Just because you don't like the man who you picked to be the father of your child doesn't mean you can take away his parental rights. He's got the right to see his child, and if you live in different states, that's going to mean extended periods of visitation during summer months, etc..

The other party doesn't need to sign divorce papers in order for a divorce to go through. You file, you have him served, whether he chooses to respond or appear is up to him. These things have a way of steamrolling ahead, no signatures required.

Dad has every right to challenge custody. You have every right to fight it. If you believe he presents a danger to your son, you can bring that up to the courts.

You're entitled to get on with your life. You aren't entitled to rip your son's father out of *his* life.

[Dogmatique]

Okay first of all. If you read what I wrote, yes I do understand he is two. I expected some of those things. Yes I do allow my son to call my fiancee daddy because he is the only daddy he has ever known, his real father has NEVER put the effort to be in his life even when I stayed in the same area to let him see him. He rather go party and hang with friends then take his child to the park for an hour. Kidnapping your son from his mother for three months does not mean that your putting forth an effort to see him. The ONLY reason we are still married is because he is too lazy to sign the papers. Like I said we have been at this divorce for nearly a year and a half and seperated since I was 2 months pregnant. I think Im intitled to move on with my life. I am only trying to consider what is in my sons best interest and I dont believe his biological father is whats best. He has no concern for our sons well being when he is driving drunk with him sleeping in the back seat or sitting there forking out the last of his money in front of our crying hungry son to get some weed. Call me crazy but that doesnt seem like a good dad to me. So I let my son call a man who tucks him in every night, takes him to the park, pays for the food in his stomach, the roof over his head, the diapers on his butt and the clothes and shoes he is wearing and the toys he plays with, daddy. I dont see a problem with that when he is exactly that.

Yes, we get that YOU don't see a problem with it. The courts, however, very often DO see a problem with it. When a boyfriend/fiance/stepparent usurps the actual parent's role, the courts take a VERY dim view of that.

Particularly when you're still married to Dad. Seriously.

Can you see how it looks? Step back from your situation and look at it from an objective point of view (kind of like what we're doing). You're still married, shacking up with someone else and trying to push Dad out.

As I said earlier - and before you get overly defensive please believe me when I say I'm being very diplomatic here - you have absolutely no chance at terminating Dad's rights without his consent.

And please drop the "kidnapping" nonsense - he did NOT kidnap the child.

[Pinky1214]

And please drop the "kidnapping" nonsense - he did NOT kidnap the child.[/QUOTE]

How can I drop this when this is exactly what he did? We had a SET date for my son to be returned. He REFUSED to return him and changed his phone number and refused to tell me or law enforcement where he was. Please explain how that is not attempted kidnapping? Just because he is his father? as of right now I have FULL custody.

[Dogmatique]

I'm sorry, where did you point out that you have full COURT ORDERED custody? And that Dad has only certain set visitation?

:confused

[Pinky1214]

Im sorry I thought I mentioned it. Until court proceedings have decided visitation I have been granted full custody during the trial. His Father now has visitation upon the judge's discretion which he has not granted him any as of right now. We are in the process of deciding visitation now. As of our last court date we were trying to come to an agreement before the trial, which his father wants him 45 consecutive days in the summer and 45 consecutive days in the winter. Alternating holidays ( he wants every holiday during odd years, every other holiday during even years) I offered as many visits as he wants as long as they are in state until our son is of school age. I would rather request termination of rights but have not yet done so.

[Dogmatique]

Here's the problem.

Dad wants to be involved - and because of that, you really are going to have an incredibly difficult battle ahead of you trying to terminate his rights involuntarily because you don't honestly have any grounds.

In fact, I STRONGLY advise you to forget even raising the issue at trial because it could easily be perceived at you simply trying to punish Dad for wanting to spend more time with his child.

If you eventually want to do a stepparent adoption - which again won't happen unless Dad agrees - it goes something like this:

You get married, and remain married for a year or so. Then you hire an adoption attorney, and the process should be fairly straightforward. Dad's rights would be terminated as part of the process.

[Pinky1214]

Does it count for anything that the only way dad wants to see our son is if he goes to HIS home in texas? I have given him complete access to our son with as many visits and as much as he wants in our neighborhood. The court right now has said he can not take him out of ny state. And he has not put forth any effort in seeing our son. I even invited him to his birthday party.