Best Practices

[ealexdixon]

I'm not 100% sure if this belongs in this forum since it's not necessarily an "issue", but I was wondering if anyone had any best practices, advice, or come across anything helpful in regards to "clauses" that should be added to a visitation order to protect all parties involved (both parents and child).

For example, my fiancée, her daughter, and I live 45 minutes from her workplace. She gets off work at 3:00PM but the child's daycare facility closes at 5:00PM. Up until recently the child's father was picking her up from daycare on his scheduled visitation weekends at 4:50PM on Fridays. He refused to answer the phone when my fiancée attempted to call him which resulted in her staying in the area for an additional two hours to ensure her daughter was going to be picked up from daycare. Both parents agreed to her being picked up no later than 3:00PM and if the non-custodial parent is more than 30 minutes late and fails to contact the custodial parent, then he forfeits his visitation weekend (it can be made up at the custodial parent's discretion).

I understand that every situation is different, but I would just like to get some feedback. Thanks!

[NdK1009]

If both parties are agreeing to the stipulation, then I don't see any issues with adding it.

[ealexdixon]

I just used that situation as an example. I'm just trying to see if anyone else has run across anything that has been helpful in the long run. My fiancée's daughter will be starting school next Fall and we want to make sure we hammer out a lot of the details in the paperwork before she starts school (so she's not being sidetracked with all of the stuff we're dealing with). Her father will agree to quite a bit as long as "there's something in it for him" or my fiancée is held to the same standard. In regards to the situation I mentioned, my fiancée is responsible for picking her daughter up from his primary residence no later than 6:00PM (unless he's contacted). Otherwise he'll get his visitation extended by one day.

This is more of a "shooting around ideas" topic.

[525601minutes]

Be as specific as possible and as flexible as possible. For example - special occasions, who gets christmas eve and who gets christmas day? What if Dad has Christmas eve but Child is performing in a play closest to mom's house and dad can't get there on time. Or Thanksgiving - dad has the Thursday as custody but he has to work and will be having his turkey at grandma's on Sunday - does he put the child with a sitter for the day or can Mom have the Thursday and Dad have the Sunday??

Any little thing you can resolve now will keep you out of court (and each other's faces) later.

[ealexdixon]

Be as specific as possible and as flexible as possible. For example - special occasions, who gets christmas eve and who gets christmas day? What if Dad has Christmas eve but Child is performing in a play closest to mom's house and dad can't get there on time. Or Thanksgiving - dad has the Thursday as custody but he has to work and will be having his turkey at grandma's on Sunday - does he put the child with a sitter for the day or can Mom have the Thursday and Dad have the Sunday??

Any little thing you can resolve now will keep you out of court (and each other's faces) later.

Best advice ever.

We're doing the best we can to come up with some specifics to prevent having to go to court later, and trying to rewrite a lot of the paperwork so it's more of a checks and balances in that the same (or as close as possible) rules apply to both parents. I know that the stepparent, or in this case future stepparent, should not get involved in matters like this, but I'm a technical writer by trade and am trying to interpret what both parents want while making it as fair as possible. If they can both agree to something before we take it to the lawyer to become "official" it will save everyone a lot of headache and money.

Albeit one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do, I'm doing everything I can to form a civil relationship with the child's father for the child's sake.

As far as the details, here are three examples of the many additions/modifications that we're trying to work out, hopefully this is detailed enough:

Addition: Extracurricular Activities
• Beginning when the child starts kindergarten, it is understood that the child may participate in extracurricular activities. Regardless of where the child is, her continued participation in extracurricular activities, school related or otherwise should not be interrupted. The parent with whom the child is visiting shall be responsible for providing transportation to activities scheduled during visitation with that parent. The custodial parent shall provide the non-custodial parent with notice of all extracurricular activities, complete with schedules and the name, address, and telephone number of the activity leader, if available.

Addition: School Work
• Both parents shall provide time for child to study and complete homework assignments, even if the completion of school work interferes with the parent’s plans for the children. The custodial parent is responsible for providing the non-custodial parent all of the necessary school assignments and books. Summer school which is necessary for the child must be attended; regardless of which parent has the child during the summer school period.

Modification: Visitation Travel Arrangements
• The non-custodial parent is responsible for picking up child for visitation every other Friday from the child’s daycare facility no earlier than 9:00AM, but no later than 3:00PM. If the non-custodial parent is going to be more than 30 minutes late, or is unable to pick child up, he must inform custodial parent no later than 3:00PM on the day in which visitation is scheduled to begin. If non-custodial parent fails to inform the custodial parent that he will be more than 30 minutes late by 3:00PM, then he willingly forfeits his scheduled visitation time and may have make up time at custodial parent’s discretion if he requests it.
 It is the custodial parent’s responsibility to promptly inform the non-custodial parent in the event that the daycare facility unexpectedly closes due to inclement weather or other hazards (i.e., fire, flooding, etc.). Upon successful contact with non-custodial parent, both parties will agree upon and proceed with a safe, reasonable plan for visitation. If no safe, reasonable plan can be agreed upon by both parties, then the non-custodial parent forfeits his scheduled visitation time.
 The custodial parent is responsible for picking up the child from visitation every other Sunday from the non-custodial parent’s primary residence no earlier than 6:00PM.
 If the non-custodial parent is unable to be present at his primary residence at the time in which the custodial parent is scheduled to pick up the child, then an adult well-known (i.e., his parents) to the custodial parent must be present.
 On holidays in which it is the non-custodial parent’s scheduled visitation time, the non-custodial parent is responsible for picking up the child from the child’s primary residence at 8:00AM. If non-custodial parent is going to be more than 30 minutes late, or is unable to pick child up, he must inform custodial parent no later than 8:00AM on the day in which visitation is scheduled to begin. If the non-custodial parent fails to inform the custodial parent that he will be more than 30 minutes late by 8:00AM, then he willingly forfeits his scheduled visitation time and may have make up time at custodial parent’s discretion if he requests it. The custodial parent is responsible for picking up the child no earlier than 8:00PM on the same day.