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  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
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    Default Consequences of Marrying a Registered Sex Offender

    My boyfriend was convicted of agg. sex assault on his ex wife's daughter. He has served 8 yr. Been out for 3. He said that it is totally untrue and he was railroaded. When it all began, the ex tried to charge him in another stats and it was found to be nothing. She the tried to file charges in te county where he lives now and it was found to be nothing. The county where they lived for a short while convicted him. The daughter said it did not happen and refused to testify. The assi. DA at the time was running for election and wanted to win election by way of this high proofile case. No evidence was found but he was still convicted. He spent a small fortune on his defense and investigators in the county colaborate his story of his innocense. Anyway he has 8 more yrs on registry and is classified as no threat. He has had a clean life since release. We are looking to get married and I have children. I see him of no threat. He has several nieces and nephews living next door and none of his family is scared to leave their children with him. I have seen no signs of foul play with my own children. He is a very calm and event tempered person and loving. My question is- What doesthese charges mean for me if I marry him? Can my children be removed from my care by their biological Dad? Legally will we face adversity? Will we be able to live anormal quiet life or will there be trouble in our future. The bio Dad does not know about these charges.

  2. #2

    Default Re: Problem for Future

    Quote Quoting pjj5050
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    My boyfriend was convicted of agg. sex assault on his ex wife's daughter. He has served 8 yr. Been out for 3. He said that it is totally untrue and he was railroaded. When it all began, the ex tried to charge him in another stats and it was found to be nothing. She the tried to file charges in te county where he lives now and it was found to be nothing. The county where they lived for a short while convicted him.
    Incorrect jurisdiction issues are quite common. Just because one jurisdiction declines to file charges doesn't mean "nothing" happened...it means that there wasn't sufficient probable cause to believe that the charge could be prosecuted in that county. People don't just get to shop around for an agency to handle their case - it can ONLY be prosecuted by the jurisdiction where it occurred. If the case was eventually prosecuted, then there was a particular location identified as the place of occurrance to the extent that proper jurisdiction could be determined.


    The daughter said it did not happen and refused to testify.
    Then how did this whole thing get started? Are you under the impression that officials just flipped through the phone book and randomly picked a name to pursue? Child victims, just like domestic violence victims are infamous for recanting - so the child later changing the story and not testifying isn't overly concerning.


    No evidence was found but he was still convicted.
    So you think the prosecutor stood in front of the jury and said "this guy did it" and got a conviction? No. There are MANY types of evidence...physical evidence like you see collected on TV shows like CSI is only ONE example - other examples include circumstantial evidence or witness testimony. There was SOME type of evidence presented in the case. And, convictions come from juries, not prosecutors. Apparently the jury felt that the evidence presented meritted a conviction.



    He spent a small fortune on his defense and investigators in the county colaborate his story of his innocense. Anyway he has 8 more yrs on registry and is classified as no threat. He has had a clean life since release.
    Was it AS clean BEFORE all of this started?


    We are looking to get married and I have children. I see him of no threat. He has several nieces and nephews living next door and none of his family is scared to leave their children with him. I have seen no signs of foul play with my own children. He is a very calm and event tempered person and loving.
    Could be perfectly harmless. On the other hand, most people thought Ted Bundy was a super quiet, charming guy who was great with his girlfriend's child too. The bottom line is that you can never know - and unless you happen to be a highly skilled and experienced child psychoanalyst, expecting that you'd RECOGNIZE a child molester isn't practical. They tend to be able to commit their crimes PRECISELY because they manage to go undetected. So you or family or friends seeing no "signs" means nothing. By the time parents/friends/families actually notice a problem, it has usually gone on for years.



    My question is- What doesthese charges mean for me if I marry him? Can my children be removed from my care by their biological Dad? Legally will we face adversity?
    You can expect to have a lot stacked against you in legal matters concerning your children, yes. If their father seeks custody, his arguement that you willingly and knowingly brought a convicted sex offender, whose crime was committed against a minor, under your roof with your children, will carry a LOT of weight with the court. Doesn't matter if he "did it" or not - that you're willing to RISK your children around someone with that sort of conviction won't impress the court that your willingness or ability to protect the children is your highest priority.


    Will we be able to live anormal quiet life or will there be trouble in our future.
    We can't possibly predict that. Some individuals lead a normal life, others have entire neighborhoods on a witch hunt for them and get hounded from one city to the next. Hooking up with a convicted sex offender is like a box of chocolates....you never know what you're gonna get.


    The bio Dad does not know about these charges.
    Yet.
    Catherine NeSmith
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  3. #3
    Join Date
    Apr 2010
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    Default Re: Problem for Future

    i guess i need to lokk into the case a little more then. We have been dating for a while and he has just told me about this. That is why I said I have not seen any signs. Never expected this to be something he has done. I agree with you about the 'signs' they can go undetected. You brought up some very valid points. I will research some more before I subject the kids anymore. ThankOh, the daughter that this happened to never said it did. The mother said it did and she pushed the case. This all cams about after he caught her cheating and left her. It was never brought up until this happened. They were married 6 yrs and in the process of divorcing. Sounds fishy to me. This the info provided to me so far. I plan to look at concrete evidence and court info also. Just wanted to get an opinion. Thanks again

  4. #4
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    Default Re: Problem for Future

    Sometimes these situations are a one time occurrence, but usually not.

    Someone sentenced for breaking and entering has a much better chance of not entering the system again then someone sentenced to aggravated sexual assault of a minor.

    I'm not sure of his situation and I know you trust him, but keep a watchful eye when he is around your kids.

    Yes the biological dad can use this situation as an advantage to take full custody of your children if he were to find out.

    Go to your state police web-site and click on the Sex Offender Registry. Enter as much information that you know about him. Or do a wide search, click/type in the city that he now resides in and all sex offenders in that city will be listed. You can now read his charges the approximate age of the child involved and his re-offending tear rating. That rating will tell you if he is likely to re-offend this event again.

  5. #5

    Default Re: Problem for Future

    Just so you have some clarity ...here are some things you should know....

    Only about 30% of cases of suspected child sexual abuse ever even GET to a prosecutor; mostly due to lack of any sort of evidence. Of the 30% that get that far, only about 15-20% of those cases go forward to trial - most get pled down to a lower level offense, OR, the prosecution is SO certain they've got a strong case that no plea is offered (again based on evidence). That works out to about 4 cases actually making it to trial out of 100 accusations. In NO case is the word of EITHER a child OR a parent enough by itself to bring such a case...there MUST be some level or type of coorborating evidence of some type. IF such a case DID go forward, all the way to trial, and a conviction was entered, you can be pretty sure that the prosecution had a strong case. These types of cases are among the absolute hardest TO prosecute, exactly because the prosecution knows going in that they MUST have more than an accusation to gain a conviction.

    Be very careful and do your OWN research into the case. There was SOME reason a jury chose to convict. Even if you don't agree with it, you need to know and understand what that reason was.

    Beyond that, there are TWO big dangers you face; the father, and the state.

    If the children's father gets wind of this situation, you can expect to have this conviction at the center of your life for weeks or months as his attorney works to have the children removed from your custody. You need to know that such a suit is a possibility - one that can be very expensive, and has the potential for the outcome to be a very different life than the one you now enjoy with your children.

    As far as the state is concerned, it is VITAL that you check on the actual status of his sex offender registration on your own. You've got to know the exact truth from the source with no candy coating. You want to know if there is an expiration (probably not, but possible), and if there are conditions attached - such as no living with children who aren't his, places he may not be allowed to live, etc. Those are items that state law enforcement and child protective services will care deeply about, and could, potentially, remove the children from your care for "failure to protect" if you have brought such a person under the same roof with the children in violation of his registration status (of course it's HIS burden to TELL you if that's the case, but you'd be MUCH better off to know BEFORE either your ex's attorney or CPS has to break any surprising news).

    Beyond those two major issues, if he's on the registration list, it's POSSIBLE that other issues could come up as well. It's not unheard of for a neighbor who finds out to feel the need to start a "public service" campaign to point out his status to anyone who'll listen. This type of activity can really get ugly, manacing, harassing, and can even be illegal in the lengths some people are willing to go to point out sex offender status of those in their neighborhoods. It's also more common than people realize that parents of your children's friends check the online registries - and suddenly tell their children that they can't visit your children or be friends anymore. Be prepared to eventually have to explain this situation to your children, and for your children to react poorly if they feel that your choice has negative implications for them and their lives.
    Catherine NeSmith
    Executive Director
    AARDVARC.org, Inc.
    http://www.aardvarc.org

    Fave Big Bang Theory site: Sheldon Cooper Fans

  6. #6
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    Apr 2010
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    Default Re: Problem for Future

    I have checked the registry and I have tried to get info from the web. The registry says he is low-risk. He is getting documentation for me to read and study to see that it was bogus. The investigator and his probation officer is helping get that for him. I was mainly worried about the burden off proof to my ex. So far since his elease, he has not had anyone to give him rouble because he lives where he grew up and most people know him and the family and the ex wife. So far I have been told by a few people she did this to ruin his life and told him that as well. What do I believe? I don't know I agree I need to domy own research but I can't figure out how to find info on the case. I have spent days on the computer trying, believe me. He has been to his probation officer to make sure about kids living with him. He says there are no restrictions except not living within a distance of a school. Must report any address change. He said he can petition for ??? to wipe his slate clean in 8 more yrs

  7. #7
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    Default Re: Problem for Future

    Quote Quoting pjj5050
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    He said he can petition for ??? to wipe his slate clean in 8 more yrs
    A felony conviction can be expunged after 10 years, but unfortunately for him his charge is un-expugnable and he will have to live with it the rest of his life.

    Find out the name of his probation officer and see if you can set up a private meeting between you and him without your boyfriend knowing. Talk to the PO and tell him you have kids and you would like to know if he is hi-risk or not and what he suggest you should do. He will also let you know if he is allowed around minors or not.

  8. #8
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
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    Exclamation Re: Consequences of Marrying a Registered Sex Offender

    Devil's Advocate here - just because someone is not thought to be a high risk, does not mean there is no risk. Thinking of David Westerfield in San Diego - he kidnapped, raped and murdered a child from his neighborhood - her name was Dannielle VanDamm(sp?) He never had a documented sex offender history before this crime.

  9. #9

    Default Re: Consequences of Marrying a Registered Sex Offender

    It's also relevent to note that despite the media portraying menacing looking fellows as the "typical" sex offender, the statistical truth is that an overwhelming majority of sex crimes against children are NOT committed by weird old men in raincoats, but rather by perfectly normal looking and acting persons who are given free access to children within their own family, the family of whomever they're dating, or to children who are otherwise willingly put under the offender's supervision (teachers, coaches, other parents, etc.).

    Stranger offenders tend to be the "smash and grab" types that garner media attention by snatching, battering, and often killing their "disposeable" victims. These are a tiny percentage of cases, while some 80% of cases don't involve violence, they instead involve befriending the child, or, holding some authority over the child used to coerce the child into both participation and silence surrounding the crimes, which can go on for years and never leave a trace.
    Catherine NeSmith
    Executive Director
    AARDVARC.org, Inc.
    http://www.aardvarc.org

    Fave Big Bang Theory site: Sheldon Cooper Fans

  10. #10
    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Posts
    367

    Default Re: Consequences of Marrying a Registered Sex Offender

    Some sex offenders go on to live a pretty normal life. And the majority of sex offenders never reoffend. It is a small percentage of offenders who go thru sex offender treatment that do reoffend.

    If you have children in your home, and he is still on probation. That can be a deal breaker. He can be sent back to jail if he is still on probation and has contact with minor children without court required supervision. But that is only if he is still on probation.

    Contact his old probation officer, maybe he can show you the case files so that you will know the truth about the charges. Sex Offenders have a way of minimizing their offenses. That is part of what the treatment addresses. Find out if he had offender treatment while he was in prison. If he still denies that he offended with the victim, tell the probation officer you would like to read the victim deposition. It is a public record. Her name may be blocked but you will be able to see what her original story was.

    If he checks out to be they way he says, I wouldn't stop you from having a relationship with him, but I would make sure it was a long engagement. It takes time for a persons real self to expose a persons deep feelings or troubles. "Caution" should be your motto. And always always protect your children. Even if you don't think he will reoffend. Your children come first.

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